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Riddler's Rules for Dog Owners
We grew up with rules that made no sense and self-styled dog consultants insist on rules so we've gathered some good advice you can share with puppy owners.
DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed. Some trainer said "it will cause aggression problems down the road."
DON'T make your dog sleep in a den-like crate. Crate is just another word for a small cage. Huh?
DON'T let your dogs sleep outside at night. If God had wanted dogs to sleep outside, He would have covered their body with hair to keep them warm.
DON'T let your dog sleep, you should be playing with him all the time.
DON'T keep more than 2 dogs. Each dog requires considerable time and energy, and a popular book says it is impossible for a reasonable dog owner to spend quality time with more than 2 dogs.
DON'T keep less than 5 dogs. Dogs are pack animals, and five dogs is the minimum number for proper socialization.
DON'T feed your dog kibble. Kibble is the invention of evil capitalists who want your money, and kibble has no nutritional value whatsoever. You might as well feed your dog sawdust. Read that somewhere...
DON'T cook your dogs meat or chicken. Cooking destroys all the nutrients.
DON'T feed your dog raw meat or chicken. Raw food contains salmonella, e-coli, and other harmful bacteria.
DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl. It will turn his nose pink.
DON'T post messages to a dog list. You will surely get bopped on the head for thinking that someone else cares about your little opinions.
DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has nothing to do with dogs but is a good rule nonetheless.
DON'T keep a collar on your dog when unattended. He could get caught on something and choke.
DON'T leave your dog unattended without a collar. He could run away without any identification.
DON'T transport your dog in a plastic crate. Plastic crates don't allow sufficient airflow.
DON'T transport your dog in a wire crate. In a car accident, a wire crate transforms into a doggie skewer. On the days that you plan to have a car accident it’s acceptable to use a plastic crate.
DON'T let your dog drive. It’s against the law in many states.
DON'T enter your dog in conformation. It's b-o-r-i-n-g for the dog.
DON'T enter your dog in obedience. It's B-o-r-i-n-g with a capital "B".
DON'T enter your dog in agility. The jumps will injure his joints.
DON'T send your dog out with a handler. Only a psychopath would send their beloved pet with a complete stranger.
DON'T handle the dog yourself. You've got a great dog, and he deserves a much better handler than you will ever be.
DON'T get a purebred dog. Too much inbreeding has produced dogs with temperament and health problems.
DON'T get a mutt. You don't know anything about their pedigree. In fact, if you’re thinking about getting a dog, get a cat instead.
DON'T leave your dog's dewclaws intact. He will rip one off jumping a log or something, which is quite painful.
DON'T remove your dog's dewclaws. Dewclaws are acupuncture points that are needed for proper functioning of the kidneys.
AND, the #1 DON'T....
DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their whiskers to determine the size of their head, which is important when they are out shopping for a new hat.
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