Truth makes this short dialog between a cat-owning mother and her dog-owner daughter even funnier but at the same time, thought-provoking…
ANIMAL OWNER WISDOM ON GETTING OLDER
Stella Starr, Pet Perspectives
Yesterday I was in a drugstore that sells sunglasses (makeup, kids toys, etc.) and I was trying to turn that round display thing that has sunglasses. It was teetering instead of turning and a “new millennial” (you know, the sophisticated preppy) sales clerk walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today?" I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She smiled brilliantly and replied “We don’t have those today, can I show you some cosmetics?”
My daughter laughed when I told her about it. She said it really wasn’t funny, that her husband was telling the neighbor guy, a college mechanics instructor, that he was having trouble with the carburetor in our classic Cadillac and the guy said “what’s that?”
I nodded, thinking of our first Caddy back when she was in diapers.
I remembered reading (I’ve forgotten just where it was) that old age is like still being on the ball but just too tired to bounce it. She laughed and said it has nothing to do with age. She had a decorator out for an estimate on new curtains and the ditz saw her cat's litter box and gushed "Oh, have you got a cat?" She told bubbly-boo "No, it's for company!" and quickly showed her the door.
I laughed and told her my neighbor Edna was walking her perfectly groomed toy poodle in the park and this preppy young guy gushed “Ooo what a pretty dog, what kind is it?” She looked him in the eye and said “Oh this is a canine kind…” with which he smiled brilliantly and enthused “What a nice breed!”
We noted that employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency and agreed that we would like to write "an ambulance”.
I told her that the Roman Numerals for forty (40) are the same as XL. She raised a quizzical eyebrow. Forgot… they don’t teach that any more. I just waved it away, laughed and told her she should be prepared because the older you get the tougher it is to lose weight. On a roll, I also shared my latest discovery - the easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. We went off on a tangent of silly jokes and then I got serious.
Did you know that dogs are the only species that wags its tail? I mean how else would such a smart animal smart communicate with a species this dumb? She knows. She has two dogs.
I also noted that cats twitch their tail to let you know you’ve annoyed them. OK, so they purr to let you know you are forgiven as they rub against your best pair of wool slacks… and I reach down and pet the cat instead of kicking it into the next county! I’m old but not stupid. I know if I don’t stroke that furrball he’ll use the sofa for a litter box.
My daughter then clued me in to something I never thought about. She said the sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. I laughed over that one and then, it being April, she sighed and told me that April 15th is when you put the words "The" and "IRS" together and it spells "Theirs!"
After she left I went to my computer and started looking up things about getting older. First thing I noted is that you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Some people try to turn back their age-odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look worn out, used… I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved but the worst thing I discovered was that everything either dries up or leaks.
So I ask the good Lord to keep His arm around my shoulder and a hand over my mouth.
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